Dating: Week One (II)

by | Mar 17, 2013

This post was imported from an old blog.

I had decided that these meetings would not be referred to as “dates,” but “meetings.” And then things went so well with the second guy that I met that couldn’t help but think of it as a date. But I’m stubborn, so I refocused and continued on with my scheduled meetings (and thinking of them that way).

The next guy I met was adorable, and sweet, and I felt like I could be friends with him, but the attraction wasn’t there. The conversation was good, but not interesting enough to spark my interest. We exchanged numbers, but I don’t think I communicated clearly enough that when I said “yes, we should hang out again some time” that I meant “as friends.” He proceeded to send me “good morning” texts the next two days. Is it just me, or is that way too intimate, way too fast, for someone you just met?!

My response was to not respond until later that day the first time, and I didn’t respond at all to the second. The texts have evolved to a more casual state now, which I’m comfortable with. I hope he got the hint, but then I also feel like I should have tried to be more clear with him about my feelings. But it was only a first meeting! And maybe (probably) I was reading too deeply into his response. Maybe this is just the way he is. I don’t even know because I hardly know him. I start to realize that I’m making assumptions about him based on previous experiences.

Does everyone get compared to the ones who came before? Can I help but organize and categorize and compare everyone I meet to other people I have known? This doesn’t seem fair, and yet it feels completely natural. Which means I should probably be suspicious of this habit. Just because similarities exist, doesn’t mean there aren’t a world of differences as well.

I really have no desire to play games or toy with anyone’s feelings. It dawned on me that this whole meeting/dating thing was going to be a lot more complicated that I originally thought. If only because I actually care about people, and I want to be open and honest, but I’m still learning how to do that in a way that is not harmful. And then I realized that I was getting all worked up and worried over nothing. I had to stop and go back to my original intentions (which I’ve made clear to everyone I’ve met). To meet new people. To see what happens. So what if there was no spark? I still had a good time and enjoyed his company. What’s wrong with making new friends? And I know as well as anyone else that feelings beyond friendship can certainly develop the more time you spend with someone. And if his response to me was not the same as mine to him, well, that’s okay too. I don’t need to be so hard on myself. I just need to be as honest as I can.

Deep breath. Continue.

My fourth and fifth meetings were on the same day. First a drink with one guy, then dinner with another afterwards. The drink was nice. Casual, good conversation, a comfortable and enjoyable hour and a half. I was able to relax and get back to the motivation behind this whole dating thing. The dinner was a bit strange, but fun. I knew in advance that this guy was going to be a character, and I had some hesitations before meeting him, but figured it would at least be amusing. And it was. He certainly kept me on my toes, right down to the moment when he walked me to my car and asked if he could kiss me. He was the first of five to ask (or try), and I hesitated for a minute before saying okay. It was a quick, awkward kiss, and we both laughed afterwards and said goodbye.

It was an interesting week. And I was relieved to be going out of town for the following one, which would give me some time to figure out what comes next.

I’m still not really sure.

Everyone has kept in touch. In fact, it’s worth noting how pleasantly surprised I was that each of the 5 guys I met all contacted me again right after our meeting. Two of them later that same night, two the following day, and one two days later. I’m glad that the kind of guys I’m meeting aren’t trying to follow any stupid dating rules. I’m glad that it’s okay to tell someone that you really enjoyed meeting them, that you had a good time and that you’d like to do it again.

I’ve only made one official follow-up date. It’s with the second guy I met, the one I felt the strongest connection to, and it’ll be two weeks from the night we met. I’m pretty excited about it, but I’m still trying to contain myself. I’m trying to remember what I said when I first started doing this,

it seems that every time I think I’m going to try dating I end up meeting someone I really like right away and I suddenly find myself in a relationship. It’s not always a serious long-term relationship, but most of them have been. And they’ve ended up being pretty intense in one way or another. And really, there’s nothing wrong with that, and I’m not actually complaining about my history, but I’d like to give dating a try. I want something different. – On Dating 03/01/13

I’m not sure how to progress with the others. I guess I’ll keep you posted.



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