This year I promised myself I would write. No matter how painful it is, I am going to write and post here at least once a week. And here I am, on the final day of the first week of the year with nothing written.
One of the things that keeps me from writing and posting is that I’m afraid that what I have to contribute isn’t valuable. I constantly feel that my ideas, everything I think and say and write, has already been thought and said and written better by someone else, so what’s the point?
I don’t know what to do with that fear. Because in spite of feeling like my words are not unique or original, I still want to share what’s in my heart and my mind.
If the fear and feelings are untrue, then I’m just sabotaging myself, holding myself back. I need to get out of my own way and just write and hit publish.
And if they are true, if I don’t have anything of value to contribute, then maybe I need to find a way to get over it and just write and hit publish anyway. So what if I’m not unique? Who cares if my ideas don’t matter? I won’t be the first person flinging words into the void of the internet and I certainly won’t be the last.
I suspect the solution is to just go for it. Write something. Anything. Make an effort. Be myself. Stop overthinking everything! Oh wait, that is me. This whole angsty and annoying post is so me. Fuck it. I’m posting it anyway.
Practice. This is my practice. I’m not asking for anyone’s attention. No one is paying me for this. I am only accountable to myself. Yes, I want to do a good job. I want to do my best. But doing nothing because my best isn’t perfect, or even all that original, isn’t helping anyone, certainly not me. That attitude has never gotten me anywhere except stuck.
So, here’s to a new year and getting unstuck.
Courage, my word, it didn’t come, it doesn’t matterThe Tragically Hip – “Courage”
Courage, it couldn’t come at a worse time