Sign Me Up!

by | Mar 3, 2013

So, where’s a single 30-something gal supposed to go to find dates?

Seriously, there are really no other options. Don’t talk to me about matches or fishes or harmony or lava. Those sites are not for me. Yes, I am being completely biased and close-minded. This isn’t my typical way of being, but when I believe something this strongly, there’s no backing down.

So. Sign up. It’s free. That’s step one.

I had a profile on OkC years ago. I joined after my divorce in 2004. I flirted a lot, but didn’t meet anyone. I was picky, but hopefully not rude. I ended up meeting guys through other means (at work, at school etc.) and hid/ignored my profile for years. I discovered it and opened it up and tried again in the fall of 2010. I was skeptical of the process, and I think a little afraid to put myself out there. I did end up meeting one guy in person (he was persistent). We had coffee and went for a walk, talking comfortably. I wasn’t instantly attracted to him, but I enjoyed his company, so when he asked if I wanted to get together again, I agreed. The second time we met we grabbed a bite to eat and he insisted on walking me home. I felt like I ought to invite him up to my place, so I did. At some point he started kissing me. It was kind of awkward, and not really doing much for me, so I politely thanked him for the evening and said goodbye. We had tentative plans to see each other again a few days later (he invited me to dinner at his place), but I stopped answering his texts and didn’t return his calls. I wasn’t interested in seeing him again, but didn’t know how to tell him. It was cowardly and not cool.

I ended up meeting a guy at a bar that same weekend. We hit it off, started dating, and it turned into a year and a half relationship. I deleted my OkC profile a few weeks in. A funny side note to this story is that the guy from OkC who I stopped responding to ended up dating my friend/roommate for a while the following year. I came home one evening and they were making out on my couch. The same couch he kissed me on. Turns out they were on a team together and had known each other for quite a while. I was surprised, amused and found the whole thing a bit awkward. I think I was embarrassed at how I had treated him, and continued to avoid all contact with him when he was around.  Things didn’t work out between them, and I’ll admit I was a bit relieved.

But I digress.

So, last weekend I decided out of the blue to sign up for OkCupid again. This time I have different motivations. I’m not looking for true love, a boyfriend or casual sex. I really just want to meet some new people. Okay, so yes, my focus is on men rather than women, but that’s because it’s a dating site and I don’t typically date women. But I’ve stated that I’m looking for “everyone” so I’m keeping my options open. While I’d like a little more romance in my life, I’ll be perfectly satisfied with having interesting conversations with interesting people with no further expectations. When I say I’m doing it differently this time, it means that I’m going into this with an open mind and an open heart. I’m drastically dialing down my inner critic. Who knows what I’ll find!? The plan (such as it is) is to just go with it and see what happens. I’m excited to find out!



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